“And the begging. Always with the begging. ‘Wah, I don't wanna die, wah!’ Look, I'm sorry bro, but your guts are on the floor. Like, they are right there on the floor, and I am literally standing in them. What exactly do you expect me to do at this point? Dammit man, I'm Death not a doctor. It's gross, it's sad, and I just don't wanna deal with it anymore.
“OK sure, most deaths aren’t like that, but even the ones that go in their sleep are a damn handful. I mean, they're always so confused- wondering who I am and how I got into their room and stuff,” It gives the long bone-handled scythe a shake. “You'd think this would be a dead giveaway, right?.”
It heaves a long sad sigh and the grass around It browns and shrivels into a fine dust.
“’Dead giveaway.’ Shit like that used to be funny, you know? But now? Christ,” The hooded head shakes in disgust.
“You mind if I bum a smoke? Not like you’ll need ‘em anymore…. Thanks”
The light of the cherry is blunted and absorbed by Its mere presence, though a thin stream of smoke manages to escape the event horizon of Its hood.
“God, I'm glad you didn't vape,” It says flicking off some ash.
A moment passes as It stares off into the distance.
“Sorry I got all bitchy back there, “ It suddenly says. “You didn't need that. I’m guessing you're already having a rough enough day. It's just... I'm so bored. My work/life balance sucks so hard, ya know? I haven't had a day off in God only knows how long. And a vacation?”
It lets out a dry heaving laugh.
“Shit, that's the type of thing I only get to read about. Sure, I get to see the world I suppose, but it's not like anyone's exactly thrilled to see me. Like, have you ever gone to a party that you weren't invited to? Remember that awkward bit of silence when the door swings open and everyone sees your unwanted ass just standing there holding a 12-pack of piss beer? Yeah well, that's the welcome I get 24/7. I’m all like ’Shit bro, I didn't even want to be here, but you're the asshole who decided to send dick pics while doing 85 down the Interstate, and well, now here I am. Thanks for that. Trust me, I'm way more annoyed about it than you are.’ They never get it though. It's always with the sobbing and the wailing and that goddamn begging. They always, always, always have to make it about them. Never even crosses their minds that maybe, just maybe, I have other things I'd like to be doing. Shit don't revolve around you, ya know? “
It drops the cigarette and crushes the butt with a lethargic twist of Its heel
“Look, I know you're not my therapist or anything, but thanks for the smoke and thanks for listening. Seriously, it helped a lot. Though I suppose now we best get ya goin’. You're not getting any younger, after all”
“‘Not getting any younger.’ That shit used to be funny….”
